Spoiling Children

Brian Miskell
English 150
Dr. Paul
September 16, 2009
Spoiled
As I was walking one day, I noticed one of the most incredible sights I have ever seen just across the street. There was a young man, about the age of twelve, who was out walking with his father. As they walked along the other side of the street, he noticed that his shoe was untied. Not an uncommon occurrence! His response however, was something I never thought I would see in my life. Rather than reaching down and tying his own shoe, he positioned his foot up on a step, making it obvious, and called for his father to come and tie his shoe. He waited very impatiently as he posed on the step. His father immediately ran over and tied his son’s shoe. Not even a “thank you” was uttered in response to his father’s unnecessary help. To my dismay, this was not the end of the scene; A few moments later, the boy noticed his shirt was beginning to become un-tucked. It is only reasonable that any healthy 12 year-old would be able to handle such a simple task as tucking in his shirt! However, at this point, the boy raised his arms straight up from his sides, high into the air. He again waited, this time almost grudgingly and painfully, for his father to come and tuck his shirt in. Again, there was absolutely no expression of gratitude or of love and admiration. It was no less than difficult for me to watch this scene unfold. As painful as it was for me to watch however, many vital aspects of parenting can be seen from this example, for better or for worse. Most clearly, this example demonstrates the inescapable negative effects of spoiling a young child.
The demands of raising a child in today’s world are extremely challenging. Though it might not be possible to outline everything that a parent should do to effectively raise a child, we can at least identify one of the greatest harms a parent can inflict, thus avoiding the detrimental effects of gross mistakes. One such mistake is that of spoiling. Spoiling a child does not necessarily come from impure motives on behalf of parents, but most often it is actually quite the opposite. It generally stems from a parents sincere desire to simply be a good parent. With the desire to be a great parent, many questions arise as to how to fulfill this incredible responsibility. New parents have a lot to ponder about and consider as their first newborn comes into the world. How are we going to provide for all of this child’s needs? How are we going to teach morals and values? How are we going to discipline? These are all reasonable questions to ask- they will greatly influence the child’s development if they are properly considered and executed. Parents of older children also have many challenges. As children reach their teenage years, they start to care much more about what others think of them, and self-worth is determined not by who they really are inside, but only by how they compare to others their own age. This becomes an especially tempting time for parents to spoil their children. It can be a powerful reason to give your kids more and more, as they see those things as leading to their own self-worth, even if that is only the judgment passed by others. No matter the age of a child, spoiling has very detrimental effects that are often difficult to overcome later on. We want our children to be happy and successful do we not? The answer is not to spoil them!
One important thing to do, is define what it means to spoil a child, because often a parent can justify their spoiling of their children simply by altering the definition, and passing it off as something else that doesn’t leave such a bad taste in others’ mouths. In very general applications, to spoil something (or someone) means that it goes bad, it is no longer usable as desired. Another definition would tell us that spoiling is a mistake in the producing of something, leading to an unintended and undesired outcome. So how does this apply to spoiling a child? Well, to spoil a child means to damage their ability to take care of themselves, to affect their future potential to be self-sustaining, to damage or harm them so severely that it affects their excellence, virtue or value. What are some of the ways in which we see these things happen around us, to our children? There are many instances in which we see these things happen. If we go back to the story we opened with, we can see that the child was severely held back and damaged by his father’s willingness to do everything for him, and not allowing him to learn on his own. This child will have great difficulty in providing for himself as he grows older. What will happen to him as he moves away to college for the first time, and finds himself utterly helpless as he finds his shoe untied on the way to class? I personally would not want to be around when that happens! He will undoubtedly be made fun of and other students will hold it against him for a long time. I’m sure that will be more difficult to handle than it would have been if he had had to struggle at it a few years earlier, but was able to eventually get it. This brings us to one of the most deceiving principles of parenthood. By providing everything I can for my child, I feel that they will have the optimum chance for success. While this can be true, it can also be very misleading. More important than providing goods and services, as businesses do, a parent must focus more on facilitating experiences of opportunity for learning and growing, and developing life skills (for example: the ability to tie one’s own shoe, or to cook for oneself, or to bathe oneself) is much different than doing everything for your own child.
The greatest thing a parent can do for a child id help them learn how to do things for themselves, and this cannot be accomplished by doing everything or them! Imagine learning how to golf. If you sat back and watched someone else play golf, but you never swung the club for yourself, do you think you would actually learn how to play as effectively as you could? No! You must swing the club yourself. It will be difficult the first few times, but then you will begin to get it. The same holds true for children. A child will never learn as effectively, or as much, when you are doing everything for them, they must be allowed to try things and to do things on their own, even if this means they will fall a few times. Spoiling children goes against everything we know about how people learn the best. It is obviously not going to benefit the child, and will more than likely make things more difficult for the child now and in the future.
What then shall we do? We know that children are the future. Today, we have children that will grow up to do all the same things that we must do, and even more. There are 5 year-olds today that will grow up to be the Presidents of countries, the other political leaders with great responsibility, business executives, doctors, and lawyers. They will be entrusted with everything. Should the parents of today not give them the greatest foundation they can have? This foundation in life can only be given by allowing children to learn and develop as a result of their own experiences, which can only be accomplished by not spoiling them, and doing everything for them!